Clean Free Day

I did not make a conscious effort not to clean today. However, waking up this morning I thought of a sweet boy in Bolivia that is turning the same age as my son would have turned this year. As I prayed for this child and filled out his birthday card, I was sadly reminded of one thing. Our children are not ours to keep. They are God's precious ones. We simply get to enjoy and treasure every day we have with them. This realization lead me on the floor playing library, play dough, and unicorn. This realization made me want to have a dance party tonight, and receive all the extra kisses at bedtime. All this sweet time with God's treasures left little time for cleaning. Basking in the blessings, dust balls and all!!!

To SHY to CRY!

My oldest daughter used to be painfully shy. She would get hurt on the playground and not cry until she was in my lap, with her face against me. At least I thought it was "used to be" until today! We had to go to the doctor for her well check visit. The doctor came in and started asking her questions. She did not answer her. She would not look at her. I am always embarrassed, and told my daugther that it was rude not to answer someone back. She quietly answered the questions, but would still not look at her. I was so frustrated! The doctor pointed out some bruises on her legs that were not in a typical bruise location. She fell and got hit by our screen door on her legs while she was sitting in the door frame. I connected her bruise questions with my daughters painful shyness. We did not even make it out of the doctors office before I had a tear filled conversation with my daughter. Why are you acting this way? Why are you scared of people? Why are you so stinking shy? What is wrong with you?!

God gave me a holy spanking all the way home. As I looked at my daughter in the rear view mirror he whispered to my heart. She is mine, not yours!  I created her, not you!  Her personality is for my purposes, not yours! As I struggle to understand her personality, I realize me wanting her to be someone else than who God made her is just my selfishness. I can remember a time when my husband had to mentally make himself go talk to people in a public situation. Not because he hates people, but because he is so shy. I don't want my daughter to feel that pain in her stomach and have to mentally fight a battle to go say hi to someone. I just want her life to be easier than her father and mother's.

As I make my list of all the positive things that being shy holds, I also make my list of all the things I can't control. God blessed me with this sweet child to help me remember he is in control. He will take care of my children. His ways are not my ways and his plans are not my plans.

Sweet Joy!

Our sweet "Baby Joy" had a birthday this month. Her journey to this little town was all but joyful, but her arrival was full of celebration and praise!

One horrible day I went to the doctor a pregnant women, and came out with one fallopian tube missing, and my baby in the arms of Jesus. The nurses assured me I could still get pregnant again. However, I wasn't able to. I went to a specialist and he told me my one tube was totally blocked. He also said I would need medication and a surgery to even think about getting pregnant because my ovaries were not functioning properly. The next month I went to the Indiana State Fair with some friends and their parents. My friend's mother whispered in my ear, you are pregnant. This women knew my circumstances and was an amazing christian women. However, I was upset and confused. I didn't understand why she would say that and I didn't feel like I could be pregnant given all the facts. I talked to my husband and he suggested I just take a pregnancy test. My friend's mom turned out to be right.....I was pregnant!! Nothing is Impossible with God!

This did not sit well with our specialist who was nationally recognized for his expertise. Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. 1 Corinthians 3:18-19
He had me take blood tests at two different hospitals. He discredited them both, and had me at his office after the results from the blood tests came in. The doctor was in such disbelief and confusion. He never sent us a single bill for any of my visits. We were so happy and excited! We knew God had worked a miracle in my body for his glory!!

We were still on the mountaintop when I started cramping. I went to a local hospital, because I was in terrible pain. They did an ultrasound and told my husband and I that "Baby Joy" was just an egg sack. That sometimes no baby forms in the egg sack and that this was the case in my pregnancy. They said I was having a miscarriage. I called my doctor and he said to come in Monday morning and they would make sure I was doing alright.

We went to the doctors office and I remember asking my husband, what if this local hospital is wrong? He was discouraging me from thinking this because he didn't want me to be hurt again. We got to the doctor's office and the doctor did an ultrasound to check on me. When I looked on the screen I saw a heartbeat. I started to cry and the doctor kissed me on the check, and said, "There's your egg sack baby". He told us we just kept amazing him again and again. We told him about how God had done a miracle for our family!!

My oldest daughter, for reasons we will never know, called her "Baby Joy" my whole pregnancy. It was such a sweet reminder that when she finally arrived she was going to be such a joy to our family. Her journey here was a wild ride for her mom and dad. I have a feeling she is going to take us on a few more of those. However, she is such a miracle and a blessing to our family! What an amazing God we serve! He will stop at nothing to remind us of his AMAZING love for us! Oh what sweet JOY!

Painful Screams

My sister had a host of medical issues growing up. She had painful procedures done. As we sat in the waiting room before every appointment, she screamed! These were not your run of the mill screams. She screamed from the inside of her soul! If you were on the outside of that doctor's office, I am certain you could have heard her scream. It always made me nauseas. I felt so helpless for her.

Years later I went off to school with hopes of being an Occupational Therapist. I had to shadow a therapist so many hours to get into the O.T. program. My second week at the clinic, the therapist was putting a hand splint on a elderly lady. She was in extreme pain. You could see it all over her face. She screamed in pain and the therapist didn't stop. I will NEVER forget that ladies face. I couldn't do that to people. Even if it meant that it would help them later. I couldn't stand the painful screams!

Tonight I got on a bus with a bunch of kids. There was a child on that bus that got upset. He screamed. His screams did not match the situation. It was as if he was screaming from the inside of his soul! He screamed the entire ride to his house. I believe to have that much anxiety and anger inside yourself to scream like that is heartbreaking. I am praying, in a new way, for that child and his family.

I hate painful screams! I believe God hates them too! On this side of eternity we are going to hear painful screams. Let's be people that others find comfort and compassion in.

Restored

A local christian radio station asked listeners to come up with a word to motivate them for 2011. I heard this as I was driving in my car and the word, restored, came to me in an instant. I was a little surprised! I think of restoration around Easter time, and during times of grief. However, God planted such a deeper plan of restoration in my mind.

I began to think of all the past hurts I have had in my life. I saw them in my mind as rocks in a backpack I was carrying around. I didn't think they affected my life, on a day to day basis. However, as I try to change things in my life, I realize I can't. I have to pull out a rock from my backpack, and let God restore me through that hurt. Then and only then, can he change the way I act and think. This year, a little rock at a time, God is going to restore past hurts, and in turn, Glorify himself through me.

God has already pulled a rock out for me that I did not choose. I told him I don't have time to deal with this right now. I told God I have to much on my mind right now to dredge up this issue. However, the holy spirit is not getting any quieter! So here we go, into the word, and into much prayer, he is going to make me deal with the hardest rock first. Maybe so all the other ones will seem so small in comparison.

I can't wait to walk lighter, love deeper, and have more freedom, this year in his RESTORATION and LOVE!

I meant to....

Standing beside my grandfather's coffin, I overheard one person and then another say to my dad, " I meant to come by and see your dad". You see my grandfather was in a nursing home for a few months before he died. He didn't get very many visitors, besides family. He couldn't see, hear, or feel the people who "meant to" come visit him. These people said the same thing over and over. These were good, sweet, christian folk. We are just to busy, but not for our own good.

My husband went to see his grandmother tonight. It will probably be the last time he sees her on this side of eternity. He is grieving over his "meant to". She is under Hospice care as I write this. We were "so busy" as a family we did not visit as often as we would have liked. But we meant to....

What are we meaning to do? What has God called us to do that we are not doing? I had a friend on my heart for a week or so. I said a prayer for her but I did not call her. I meant to.... I got a text from her this morning, a plea for prayer. I will never be to busy to call someone on my heart again. I beg everyone who reads this to do what God puts on there hearts. If the Holy Spirit whispers in your ear to go visit someone, do it! I for one don't want to be the one in the funeral line saying, "I meant to go see them". Let's get busy about the things that are important to God, myself included.

Workaholic

I feel in love with my husband when we were working together. I adore that he is the hardest worker I have ever known. I grew up with a parent that valued hard work. My dad taught me if someone was paying you to do something, and you weren't working as hard as you could, you were stealing. A thief, in my house of origin, was worse then a murderer. I have always worked at everything I do, as for the Lord, and not for man. This has kept me going as a mom and a wife.

This week my husband took on overtime, a lot of overtime. I know I should be thankful that he works for a place that still has overtime to give freely. I know I should be thankful that he wants to work the overtime to catch up on some Christmas expenses. I know I should be thankful, but my bitter heart is not. I want my husband home with me. I want to hear his voice, to see his face. I don't want to worry about him, that he is going to get hurt, because he is at work tired. I am praying for a changed heart. God is slow at answering my prayers sometimes. This is so true when he requires me to act first.

My husband has sworn to not take so much overtime again. I have sworn to be kinder, more understanding, and a better wife during these times. I have to remind myself that one thing I feel in love with was his work ethic. I thank God for a loving, working husband, even when he's working overtime.